Mrs. CPA

Day Five - First Patients

Since the clinic didn't have any electricity, light was provided by glass bricks set in the clinic ceiling. at 5:30 the next morning, with the sunlight streaming in, I got up to get ready for a long day of patients.

I will never, as long as I live, get tired of this view.

When I looked outside, there were already 10 people waiting to be seen.

The translators arrived and we started handing out numbers. A mother might be there with her 3 children, all of them wanting to be seen. Only 50 numbers were handed out, but we saw 77 patients.

The majority of the people had acid reflux, we handed out blister pack after blister pack of acid blocker. Everyone had body aches or headaches. Since they all had stomach ailments, they could only have tylenol. We were running out of that quickly too.

Children with scabies, worms and head fungus were the major pediatric complaints. The kids were dressed in multiple layers, even in what would be an 85 degree day. None of the babies had diapers. They were carried with a towel around them and had gauze or folded fabric under their clothes.

I made Clayton promise that he wouldn't give out the few can of baby formula we had unless it was a dire need. We did see several children whos mothers had died in the earthquake and were living with relatives in the mountians. The tiniest of these we did give formula to, they were too young to eat big people food. I had to explain to the relatives how to boil the water and how many scoops of formula to put in the bottles.

This is Baby Steve.

The medicine we had to give for the head fungus was supposed to be taken with something fatty to aid absorption. We quickly found out that there was nothing truly fatty in their diets. No milk, cheese, ice cream - the closest we could come was something fried.

People needed anitbiotics and vitamins. We gave out prenatals and iron. Eye and ear drops.Our first patient had to have her ear cleaned out because she thought there was a bug in it.We saw fatty tumors, high blood pressure, and kidney infections. There were two children, one with an umbilical hernia that stuck out five inches from her belly and her brother with a groin hernia - both kids would have to have surgery after they turned five. One grandmother "couldn't remember" how old she was.

This was our most critical patient of the day. This woman came up with her mother. She could barely walk and had been traveling for 2 hours. We suspected meningitis, but with no way to preform a spinal tap, we had to go on symptoms. She couldn't move her neck, had a high fever, and her heart was racing and then slowing. She was dehydrated. Clayton had never done a successful Iv and Dr. Theresa hadn't done one in 15 years. After four tries we got her set up, and I mixed and administered the IV drugs every five minutes. There's no beeping pump in Haiti.

After two rounds of antibiotics, we gave her some money to take a moto home, and to come back the next morning. (Instead of spending the money on the return trip, she rode a donkey.)

Oh, and we ran out of water around 10 am. In order to get more, the guys had to dip buckets in the cistern, and use a rope to drag it up to the top of the clinic to the water tanks.

Clayton needed some pediatric prompting, he wasn't familiar with Tylenol dosages or that kids under 2 couldn't have the chewable vitamins. He had a dosage chart on his phone, but after years of .825's I could guess how much to give without it. He would double check me and write out the instructions on the bottle. My kids have fever in different areas, Maddie in her belly, and hudson in his feet. Feeling foreheads isn't always to first place to feel heat. We took temperatures and weighed kids on a scale that was almost too dusty to read. Blood Pressure was taken manually. I hope that my years of having sick kids helped him look beyond the obvious. We had one little girl with 104 fever. We cracked ice packs and shoved them under her arms and on the back of her neck.

Lots of the kids had never seen a white person before, and they weren't too happy about seeing one now. On top of having to go to the doctor, they had some crazy looking stranger peering at them.

It was a non stop day. Two doctors, my makeshift pharmacist skills, and two translators did not make short work of the patients. But we diligently tended to each one of them. Giving out stickers and small toys to the frightened. I held hands, passed out water, and gave MRE's or granola bars when needed. I cut pills, wrote out instructions, marked syringes and held babies.

Another serving of rice and beans, and we passed out leftovers to the children waiting outside and drug ourselves off to bed.

This was exactly what I came to this remote mountain to do. Doing a tax return can be fun, even exciting, when you do something for a client that saves them money, but it will never compare to the acts I carried out in this cinder block clinic. I felt like I was giving all I could to those who needed it the most. And I couldn't have been more satisfied with my days work.

I miss it every day.

I think I'm supposed to talk about BlogHer or something...

In no particular order:

 

I got Henna'ed again:

The biggest celebrity I met was Dora, which my son was thrilled about:

Me and the roommates. We don't look like a BIT of trouble do we?

Colleen like I found her on Wednesday night when the plane ride from hell finally ended. Seriously, what is it with me and the damn airport these days?

The brooklyn bridge at 7:30 am.

DINOSAURS!

The statue. I braved 300 Chinese tourists for this shot. 100 of them stepped on my feet.

I had a wonderful time in New York. Meeting new friends! Getting to hang out with old ones. Seeing Wicked and Phantom of the Opera. A delightful night tour, a full day of sightseeing with a tour group, the natural history museum, the subway, Loews for bunch, The Social Luxe party, Aveda salon for a facial, street meat, a suitcase so full I had to pay an extra $100 to bring it home, seeing my children's faces when I came to pick them up from school Tuesday afternoon.

Day Four

We realized what a mess the clinic was the minute we walked in. Mud every where. Rotten tomatoes and bug covered dishes in the kitchen. Medicine strewn out all over the pharmacy. Half drunk bottles of water. MRE's upstairs. A wood chipper in the exam room. Just a mess and nasty dirty.

Teresa immediately started boiling water to disinfect  the entire place.

We decided there was no way we could see any patients the next day. It would be strictly for cleaning up unless there was an emergency. People would walk to this clinic up to eight hours. Leaving at midnight from far over the mountain and arriving when it opened.

We scrubbed the kitchen. Suzanne and I tackled the upstairs kitchen where we found tents, surgical instruments, scrubs, a block of half eaten cheese that looked like cauliflower, and something unimaginable in the freezer of the non functioning refrigerator. Bug guts crusted in the sink and had rusted holes through. We used a lot of Comet and kept gloves on at all times.

We found huge bags of blankets. A box of Easter toys. A watch that I quickly commandeered  for my own wrist.

Deanna and Teresa took off for the market, which Clayton had assured them was only a mile. Clayton don't know distances very well. They left in flip flops and came back in pain. But with bananas and the promise of an egg delivery!

We went into the clinic and took the bolts out of the boards securing the windows. The place needed air and sunshine. The kids realized they could peek in the windows and watch everything going on. They also asked our names and begged for cookies.

While sweeping I FOUND A WHOLE TOOTH ON THE FLOOR. No telling how long that thing had been there. 

Deanna and her crew started in on unpacking school supplies and getting the boxes packed and ready for the kids. We decided it wouldn't get done by the time school was out, and we would have to had out the supplies before we left on Monday morning. As the boxes mounted, I decided to tackle the pharmacy.

It quickly became my domain. I matched up bottles, threw away severely expired and dirty surgical supplies, organized shelves, and got all the kid's vitamins ready for distribution. This little space, probably 10 x 4 took me at least 6 hours to get in shape. 

We took a time out to get the kids to pick up trash around the clinic and courtyard. We told the kids that the most trash would win first pick on shoes. We cut ribbons for girls hair, handed out pirate do rags, and brought children in to find them some clothes that fit. We handed out pants to the pant-less first and sent them home to keep the older kids from taking their new things. All of the kids got something. There was a core group of children who spent any free time hanging around the clinic. They were there even at night, peeking in the windows while we ate.

 

The kids also liked to dig through the trash so we had to be careful about what we threw away. Later in the week we confiscated surgical scissors and sever sharps left in the trash by earlier teams. We threw away a bunch of dirty surgical masks, and the kids took those and turned them into toys. Some kids would wear on over their head, one over their mouth and nose, one with their arms through the holes like a breastplate, and one on the back. It was hysterical, until they started breaking and the kids left them all over the ground...

Teresa finally felt like the clinic would be serviceable for seeing patients, and we had a huge pile of school boxes. The black beans I had started soaking were ready to be cooked. 

It was dinner time. And then bed time. We were all exhausted form the crazy day. We spent some time up on the roof, talking to family members, laughing, looking at stars, and laughing some more. I'm blaming the altitude for the insanity. Clayton moved his tent to it's own little garden patch.

And we encountered the June Bug evasion. I don't like these stupid things at home, and they were everywhere in our house. In our sleeping bags, in our hair, bouncing off the walls. We spent at least 20 to 30 minutes ever night squealing, screaming "right there, get it!" and smushing bugs.

Next up, Clinic Day!

Over the River and Through the... Rocks?

After finally figuring out that no sane person should have to ride in the back of an SUV for 7 hours, Sid took his place in the cab of the big truck (where no one spoke English) and all the women piled in to the SUV with their backpacks and Clayton at the wheel.

We were off!

(Finally!!)

Getting out of town took us through some of the streets used as markets.

And a lot a garbage.

Within an hour, we had a flat tire.

So we hung out by this lottery booth. I look spectacular. You don't have to tell me.

Then we needed gas. And of course, the kids found us.
They were waiting on the bus.

Somewhere between the gas station and the ocean, we stopped at Christianville to visit a doctor who was the doctor at Clayton's clinic for 7 years. There was a school, a medical clinic and some grass that made my feet and legs break out in hives for the next week. The clinic administrator was from a little town in Arkansas and we had on the same flip flops! (Yea free Crocs from Blogher!)

I have no idea how these children get their shirts so white and keep them that way! I would look like a slob after thirty minutes. After loading up with medicines and pedialite, we were on our way again.

As we got closer to Jacamel, we could start seeing glimpses of ocean.

 

This is a concrete brick factory. The guys under the shed shovel in concrete to an incredibly loud machine and out come four bricks.

Then two guys with the kind of muscles that only come from outdoor heavy lifting carry them out to the yard for curing.

When Clayton tried to jump down to the beach by that gas pump you see, he broke several bricks because they weren't dry. The owner was super nice, he was a Haitian who had lived in Boston for 15 years. He invited us to his house to his private beach whenever we came through town again.

He even let us use his reasonably clean bathroom, which is a hot commodity in Haiti. 

Onward! Deanna is about to have a heart attack. What you can't see is the bottomed out tap-tap that is being rocked out of the riverbed by people who were there bathing.

This is Willie. He is an environmentalist who works in the mountains with Haitians on conservation. He was in the river taking a bath too. this river is used to wash bodies, clothes, cars and motorcycles.

After this there was no road. It was rough trail from here on out. We broke something under the car and Clayton had to beat it back in place with a rock. (take that stupid Hertz idiots!)

And this was a good part.

After an ass beating 7 hours, we finally made it. We had to get out and walk the last 1/2 mile because our truck plus four women and the assorted little luggage made the truck bottom out. 

It was beautiful (an blessedly cool.)

Unfortunately the situation inside the clinic was not so beautiful.

One spaghetti dinner and a good nights sleep later and we were ready to attack the disaster area we had walked into.

Day 2

Every morning in Port a Prince, a elderly lady brought her big bowl of bread to the house. She carried it on her head and charged us $1 for two huge loaves. On Wednesday morning, we went to the grocery store and bought supplies for the next week, like Doritos. (I think I paid $4 for them, but once we got up the mountain they became the best chips I have ever eaten in my life. Much like the brown sugar pop tart that was probably 6 months old that I unearthed and scarfed while cleaning the pharmacy.)

Anyway, we changed money, and Clayton tried to pick up some cash from Western union, but his contact accidentally sent it o Dallas. 

Supplies secured, we crammed ourselves back in the car and went home to a delicious breakfast of - eggs and bread. I doctored mine up with hot sauce, which I promptly dropped on myself. Foreign countries do not preclude me from being the messy person that I am everyday.

I had taken the coldest shower in the weakest shower head, in the tiniest bathroom ever so I was ready to go up the mountain.

Clayton and Sid left to go and pick up the car, order medicines and get a couple of other things ready so we could go. The other doctors left for the Port a Prince clinic, leaving me, Deanna, and Suzanne alone at the house with one of the translators/house guys. So basically we sat outside for hours, watching people walk down the street.

A lawyer lived across the street and next door to him there was a courtyard that was covered in concrete, re-bar, and glass bricks. Guys spent all day filling wheelbarrows and 5 gallon buckets and dumping it in the street. If there were any salvageable bricks they piled them up to be reused.

We had passed quite a few piles of rubble just out in the middle of the street. Apparently the city will come it pick it up at some point. But it could be the next day or 6 months from now, you never know. It didn't seems to bother anyone driving though. 

So after several hours of sitting out in the alley, people watching, I went upstairs and took a nap.

When I woke up, I really expected Clayton to be back and for us to be ready to get on the road. He had called our truck driver, and was trying to arrange a pickup time while he was out. He wasn't even back yet. The doctors were back from the clinic, where they saw a steady stream of STD's. Dr. Teresa and Deanna had gone for a walk with one of the house guys and got some great pictures.

This is the view from the Port a Prince clinic.
Fruit stand. I bought a pineapple that we ate up on the mountain, and it was the most delicious one I have ever had. Better than pineapple in Hawaii.
Church at the end of our block.
Security system.
Deanna looking ravishing.

Pigs under the bridge in the middle of our street. Everyone dumped their garbage over the edge and the pigs were all over it in an instant.

So we waited and waited some more. 

Clayton said our rental should be ready by 4, so it was pretty much out of the question to leave that day. Four came and went and no Clayton or rental truck.

He finally made it home it 6 with a Hyundai Sorento. In case you haven't noticed, there were 6 of us plus one of the local translators we were taking with us and a Sorento only holds five. Clayton had taken Sid on a jaunt across the entire city by foot and motorcycle taxi (which Sid's mama was not too happy about since there was an absence of helmets.)

We went to a local restaurant up in the hills. It had started raining, which cooled things off, but made the roads terrible. Some of the cars trying to get home up the hilly road couldn't make it through the rushing water making its way down the mountain.

There were lots of tent cities, and the pictures you saw on TV of the houses built into the side of the mountain that collapsed were no exaggeration. 

The meal was not the awesomest, but the french fries were good, and I had to forethought to order the "royal" cheeseburger which meant mine was not the size of a silver dollar.

I really wanted to try some of the local food from the street vendors, but I felt like it probably wasn't safe for my stomach. And with a 7 hour trip up the mountain, I didn't want to cause my self any undue gastrointestinal distress.

Clayton told us that the truck would be there the next morning at 5:30am, which in Haiti, could mean anywhere between 4 am and 10am. We were hoping for early.

It was still cool because the clouds had never gone away to let the sun come back out to steam us like  dumplings.

After showers, everyone quieted down and went to bed. Sometime in the night we were awoken by the missionary screaming out something in his sleep. Twice.

Then the damn rooster down the street started crowing. And then dogs started barking.

And then my phone went off at 5:45 with Clayton asking me to let him in.

The good news was that the big truck had showed up on time. The bad news was that our rental truck had been broken into. The medicines in the back were untouched, and the thieves just happened to have to proper tools to break the back glass and remove the mirrors, headlights and taillights with nary a scratch and perfectly clipped wires.

How convenient Hertz, that  you happened to know our address, and no cars had been vandalized on that street in 20 years. Thanks, Hertz. you were awesome.

The lawyer across the street took Clayton and one of the house guys over to the automotive district where he got the car fixed for $650 instead of the $2,000 Hertz would have charged us. The big truck rolled back up after running a few errands, and we were about to get underway!

These guys are selling medicine.
It was some kind of religious holiday on Thursday. everything was closed and people were going to church in their dress up clothes. There was suppsed to be a parade, but we left before it started.

But where was everyone going to sit?

3:30 am - 10:30 pm

The weekend before I left for my trip, I had committed to cooking and serving breakfast at the local Salvation Army Sunday and Monday. Since many of the places that serve food were going to be closed and the homeless were being rousted from under the river bridge because of Riverfest, the annual Memorial Day festival, we expected record crowds of hungry men and Women. Which meant that I had to plan for 200 people to eat. For Sunday, that meant 200 biscuits and sausage, 10 dozen eggs, 8 gallons of juice, something sweet, and apples and oranges. Do you know hoe long it takes to cook that many biscuits and sausage? A long time. And for Monday morning, I planned on link sausage and pancakes. plus juice, bananas and eggs. I got up at 4:30 and started cooking. Once I got to the shelter, my other helpers from the office showed up to find the doors locked and nothing inside started! Then the regular Monday group, who didn't know we were going to be there showed up. It was chaos. We had a man have a seizure in line, the ambulance showed up and took him to the hospital, we had to wash trays because we were running out and the dishwasher guy had told us we were on our own. I had used every tray and corningware dish in my entire house.

Then we all went up to the office to get all of the Haiti bags ready. We weighed and redistributed, and bought a few more bags to help the loads. It was a long morning, and I hadn't even packed a thing at home. The back of my van was practically dragging the ground with all of the luggage we had shoved in it.

I went home and packed and took a huge nap.

By the evening, Tim was off to his Monday night pool game and I had everyone in bed. I was trying to get through the first season of True Blood before I left, and Hudson woke up crying that his ear hurt; the next thing I knew, it was 1:30 am, and I was still not asleep. Since I had to get up at 3:30 to be at the airport by 4:30, I almost gave up. 

I was also anxious that I had set the alarm for pm instead of am, or that I would turn it off and go back to sleep, or just that something would go wrong and I would get a panicked phone call asking me where in the hell I was since everyone else was at the airport. 

None of that happened. I got up at 3:30, took a quick shower, put my bags in the car, gave everyone a sleepy kiss, and went to pick up Suzanne.

We made it to the airport on time and unloaded the 27 bags we had between us all. As previously reported, American Airlines were jackasses. I nearly had a falling out in the floor episode before we even left when they told us we couldn't take the bags we had been packing for over a month. After a very sweaty and mad hour of rearranging and dumping and craziness, the bags all got on the plane and we raced through security as the final call was made for our flight.

Dallas involved breakfast. Ft. Lauderdale involved some craziness because one of the flight attendants had ripped my boarding pass, and security didn't want to let me back in the gates. 

Haiti involved chaos. Total Chaos.

The flight out of Miami landed 15 minutes after ours. Everyone laughed because I picked the earlier arrival flight, but man, am I glad I did. We thought Suzanne's bag had gotten lost, but after an hour of watching the conveyors and searching our bags for the missing number, Clayton saved the day by finding it sitting all lonely between the two carousels.

Customs wanted addresses. Apparently, "mountain" wasn't cutting it for our agent. He wanted a street address. I'm just glad we didn't have to bribe anyone.

We had six carts of luggage. the bags weighted over 1,000 lbs total. And there were 300 people who really wanted to help us (for a small fee of course). 

I know they're just trying to make it, but Jesus, that was the only time the whole trip I felt remotely threatened.

I think Sid's look sums it up perfectly. 

This is what it looked like when we got to our base camp house.

The organization who maintains the Port a Prince clinic didn't tell the 2 doctors and the missionary who were staying at the house that 6 people were about to descend upon them for a night. Suzanne unfortunately got to be the bearer of that bad news when she went in to use the bathroom and everyone looked at her with a complete lack of recognition. 

The organization who maintains the Port a Prince clinic didn't tell the 2 doctors and the missionary who were staying at the house that 6 people were about to descend upon them for a night. Suzanne unfortunately got to be the bearer of that bad news when she went in to use the bathroom and everyone looked at her with a complete lack of recognition.

We dumped the bags in the bottom of the building. Clayton made us a supper concoction out of Kidney beans, chickpeas, and corn, to be served over spaghetti. There's a reason he's a doctor and not a chef.

Then we basically passed out in the oven that is Port a Prince. The electricity cuts in and out with no explanation. We had a generator to run our fans, but someone would have to wake up sweating to death and then get someone else to start the generator. it was a long night.
Five of us slept in this room.

We were happy to be there safe and sound, and even though it was hot, we had dreams of the cool mountain air hitting our faces by the end of the next day.

That was not going to come to fruition, but we didn't know that then.

To be continued...

Why I Wanted to Stay...

...And Why I Wanted to Come Home

I was a pharmacist, a cook, a hand holder, a clothing hander outer, a church goer, an EMT, a river forder, a friend, a backseat driver, a school supply logistician, and I fell in love.

I'm going back as soon as possible.

We're driving blind here

Some one, I'm not naming any names here, (hertz) broke into our truck last night and and stole our headlights, taillights, and mirrors. Yea! We're all fine and ready to head up the mountain though. The car is fixed and it's church day. The singing is beautiful.

Dear American Airlines,

When I take the time, three weeks before a trip, to come to the airport and talk to you about the number, size and weight of the bags we will be bringing with us, even bringing you a sample of the bags to properly convey their size and the supervisor calls the main office to talk about comping some of the bags, and says "it won't be any problem, I'll even be here that morning ladies, don't worry," and then when we show up, after considerable time and effort spent weighing and packing and redistributing the weight in the bags, you proceed to tell us that we can't take ANY of them on the plane because of some bullshit embargo that no one ever mentioned, not the supervisor, not the travel site, not the home office-no one- that, American Airlines, makes you assholes.

And oh, I'm not finshed yet, after we ask you to double check this "embargo" you keep touting, low and behold, it doesn't start until JUNE FIFTH. So the snooty gate agents, who certainly have never been wrong before IN THEIR LIFE, snootily tell us that we can't bring any of the bags home. We are TAKING SCHOOL SUPPLIES TO CHILDREN. IT ISN'T COMING BACK. Then they charge us $1500 to ship pencils and crayons to childen who don't have anything to write with. That makes you giant assholes.

And that strict 70 pound limit and maximum two bag bullshit you insisted upon? I saw all the other bags at the airport as people were picking them up. There was no two bag limit, no 70 pound limit. No limit at all. Other gate agents just put their customers' bags on the plane, but not you Little Rock, not you!

P.S. the mud wrestling alligator queen or what ever she was in first class to ft. Lauderdale as the flight attendent? She didn't know I was with the guy who brought the drum and her condesending and rude attitude combined with the snarkiness about someone bringing something as stupid as a drum on HER flight pissed me off.
The guy flight attendents in the back of the plane were super nice though. Even thiugh one of them drank like 6 cokes and practically insisted that the dimwit in front of me fully recline her seat on to my 6 ft tall legs for the entire 2.5 hour flight.

(We are here and everybody is fine. The airport was like a tractor pull plus a scavenger hunt plus the trading floor on Wall Street. In mud. And with children who call you mama and ask you for $5 and grown men fighting for your luggage even after you tell them no tip. There were a lot of no's.
Driving in a third world country was exactly like you would expect. Total disregard for traffic lanes, lots of horn honking, people walking out in front of you, a chicken, no blinkers and the guy didn't get out of second gear the entire time.
I loved every minute of it.)

Sometimes you end up with something like this instead of the sepia toned cliche you invisioned when your husband came home and said, "They're taking old-timey pictures at school tomorrow."

 I'm afraid Maddi ehas inherited my non-photogenic gene. She looks half  drunk in all but 3 of the pictures she's in.

HOW IS THIS NOT THE CUTEST THING YOU HAVE EVER SEEN?? (Besides it not being your own children, I mean.)